T! T!T

A wiseman seldom writes in his mind, but take a picture.


septembre 2013

Dear Death

« If you see this article by chance or attention, I demand you to close it immediately since this article contains my secrets »

IMG_1817Dear Death,

Today, I’ve been thinking a lot. While walking, while studying, while eating, I’ve been thinking about Happy, Sadness, Scare, then you, Mr.Death. Now, I can’t really walk well, can’t really study well, can’t really eat well because of your arrival. Now I have some questions for you:

  1. Why do we have to die?
  2. Why can’t we just stay alive?
  3. At what age will I die?
  4. What do you say if I refuse to die?
  5. What will happen after death?
  6. Does the death hurt?
  7. Where are you from?
  8. Can I come back after I die?

This morning, I spent a long long minutes on phone with my Aunt about my cousin’s death. She said the death is the only thing that could make us close to god. My dad told me once that death is a machine that produce new things. My mum said death is a mirror that shows us the beautify of life. I am not sure about this. Now I have a plan:

  • I will never ever play or talk to Mr.Death. 
  • I will run far far away and hide, so that Mr.Death will never ever find me.

Dear Happy,

« If you see this article by chance or attention, I demand you to close it immediately since this article contains my secrets »

IMG_13701Dear Happy,

Thank you for hanging out with me today. I am in love with you now. If you were a bee, I wish I were a flower. You were an ocean, I wish I were a dauphin. I really wonder if you love me as I love you. Do you love me? Can we hang out again more often? (Actually, you don’t have to reply back). This time, I don’t actually have many things to say.

Dear sadness,

« If you see this article by chance or attention, I demand you to close it immediately since this article contains my secrets »

IMG_15581Dear sadness,

I have to tell you something. Thank you for visiting me very often these days. It seems we’ve been growing closer and closer recently.  I understood that you are not to be avoided, but welcomed. You are sometimes my best friend or worst enemy. Without you, my life would not be this colorful. Your presence has created a chance for new things. Everytime everyone leaves me alone, you are there to keep me company. You’re the only one who’s always there for me, always always there. I feel bad that I left you this morning. Sorry that I could not hang out with you this morning. I was with happy. We went to the hospital together. But don’t be jealous, I love you more then I love happy.

Dear cockroach,

« If you see this article by chance or attention, I demand you to close it immediately since this article contains my secrets »

IMG_17450Dear cockroach,

This world is not small. You can live anywhere you want, but please, not my house. YOu can go to my neighbor’s house or my friend’s house. I am sure they don’t mind since I’ve seen many of you there. I can remember once I got up to get a glass of water, and there you were, walking around my sink near the bin. You seemed to grow a lot. You looked darker and bigger and faster. I know you are handsome & beautiful & sexy (since you don’t wear any clothes), but not to me. I am truely sorry if I have to get rid of you. but I’m not sorry I used a whole can of bug spray on you. My neighbors must hate me.
I hope you are sorry to keep me awake & scared everytime I see you.

You know what, everytime I see you; I don’t feel at home anymore. I hope to never see members of your species EVER again.

Dear Ghost

If you see this article by chance or attention, I demand you to close it immediately since this article contains my secrets »

IMG_1701Dear Ghost,

You always come to visit me at night, sometime; early morning. Everytime you come, you transform yourself to be a ghost, to be a monster with big big teeth. I know you love me so much. And I love you too. But can you do me a fevor? I’d like to ask you to erase my name from your visit-list. I know that making somebody scared is your favorite activity, or maybe it’s even your job. But it’s gonna be awesome if you can forget me completely and forever. Can you please just disappear in a deep deep profound forest?

Adelle Laurie Blue Adkins

01Adelle Laurie Blue Adkins est une chanteuse anglaise  qui est né le 5 Mai 1988 en Angleterre.  Elle a gagné le BBC Sound en 2008, et a reçu au meme temps le Brit Awards et Grammy Award for the best new artist. Quand elle est arrivée l’age de 21, elle a déja selectionné au Guiness World Record. Pourquoi est-elle très special? parce qu’elle n’est pas seulement une chanteuse mais aussi la musicienne(multi-instrumentaliste), composeuse, arrangeuse, et écrivain des chansons.

Son premier album « Hometown Glory » , qui est annoncé en 2007 après toute suit de la fin de son lycée, ouvre la porte de sa carrière.
En 2011, une chanson émotionalle sous titre de « SOMEONE LIKE YOU » a gagné le premier priz de Best Female Pop Vocal Performance.
Pour l’album suivant « Rolling in the deep » qu’elle a devenu une artiste vivante en Bretagne. Au debut de Juliet 2011, Adelle est sortie son troisiem album sous le titre de « Set fire to the rain » qui a attaqué le marché aus États Unies. Pour cet album, elle était aussi notée dans l’histoire de BillboardHot. En 2012, Adelle était listée dans une liste de « Greatest Women in Music » et American magazine « time ».


Le chocolat volleur-souvenir d’enfent

IMG_19590Le chocolat est toujours le plus préfèré presque de tous les enfents. Moi aussi. Dès que j’étais petit, j’aimais manger toujours le chocolat. Je rèvais tout le temps de manger des chocolats. Mais à mon époque, le chocolat fut rare, et donc il couta super très cher, mes parents donc ne m’en achetèrent rien jamais. Un jour, j’avais, peut être, 5 ans; ma mère et moi sont allés au super marché.  Je peut me souvenir bien que dès notre arrivée à la place qui vende les chocolats, j’en ai pris un-ça veut dire j’en ai vollé un. Ma mère ne savait rien. Apès être arrivé chez nous, on a regardé la télé. J’ai vu, dans la télé, les volleurs sont allés au prison, et donc j’avais peur. J’ai caché mon chocolat sous terre pour éffacer l’évidence que j’ai vollé le chocolat.

Suicide is like a shit.


If you think of committing suicide now, please stop. Rethink about it. Never ever let  this happen to you. I don’t know who you are, why you are reading my article, but I can guess you are having trouble now and you might consider to end your life. This idea is suicidal. You know what, I experienced this once already. And I am regret about it. I can say that I was so lucky that I could pass through this horrible thing. When you die, you don’t know that you dead. It’s difficult to those who love you only. 

I am a fag!

IMG_1511hjhThis question have just asked me  recently. From time that I cousin, Phawon, died. When I was a boy in high school, I was like everyone else. The thing was that I didn’t have girlfriends(just two) untillI I finished high-school. I really felt I was in love with a girl who later get married. Recently, I felt  sth else – sth that drives me me crazy. I am attracted to men. I have to admit that I love my cousin. It’s an amour feeling. Things that I used to feel toward girls has changed. I started masturbate for a long long time but now fantasized about boys. I also looked at gay pornography. Once I even had oral sex with an American guy (I won’t go into details, since that is not nice to say). I felt good. I feel disgusting now at what I did, and at myself too. I am trying to check internet, to go the hospital for the treatment, but it doesn’t work. Why am I like this??  I can still remember when I was 13-14. I was on a porn web. Then I saw two girls doing it, and I was like, whoa! I never knew girls could do that!! All I thought was wow; they can do.
Now, I think i hate myself. I don’t wanna live anymore. What should I do? I am afraid that my friends would hate me. My parents would be disappounted. Hmmm

For mum, it will never be too late!

05Mum is house wife, and dad works for an NGO in Phnom Penh. I have 2 twin younger brothers. One evening, when dad got home as mum served dinner, dad held her hand and said, »I’ve got something to tell you ». Mum sat down and ate quietly. I then suppected something wrong between dad & mum.
Suddenly I didn’t know how to open my mouth. Dad asked me to leave for them to talk, but I hid somewhere & listened. Dad want a divorce. Dad spoke calmly. Mum didn’t seem to anger by his words, instead she asked dad softly, « why? ». Dad didn’t answer.
That night, I didn’t sleep. Mum was crying all night. Dad told mum that he has another woman. Dad didn’t love mum anymore. I just pitied mum so much.

The next morning, dad made up a divorce agreement which stated that mum could own the house, and the car. Mum looked at it with tears dropping and then tore it into pieces. The woman who struggles for 25 years of her life with dad had become a someone else. I felt sorry for her. Finally she cried loudly in front of dad, which was what I had expected to see. Dad left right away.

The next morning, mum presented her divorce conditions: she didn’t want anything from dad, but needed a month before the divorce. She requested that in that one month dad and mum both had to to live as normal a life as before. Ses raisons were simples: my brothers & I had their exams in a week time & we needed to be well prepared for the exams, and she didn’t want to frustrate us. She requested that every morning for the month’s duration dad has to carry her out of our bedroom to the front door. I thought she was going crazy. Dad agreed.

So when dad carried her out on the first day, my brothers  clapped behind them, and said, « dad is holding mom in his arms ». Than my brothers take his bike to school and dad left for work.

The second day, I looked up to mum’s face, then I realized that mum was not young any more. There were many wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! On the third day, when dad carried mum, I felt a sense that dad would return. The fourth & fifth day, dad seemed to be close to mum again. Perhaps dad changed his mind.

One morning, mum tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, « all my dresses have grown bigger ». I suddenly realized that she had grown so thinner. Suddenly it hit me. Mum had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. I reached out and touched her hands and hug her. I told dad about his. Dad looked a bit quilty, as I can see from his eyes.

Next morning, my brothers came in at the moment and said, « Dad, it’s time to carry mom out ». To them, seeing their father carrying their mother out had become an essential part of their life. Mum gestured to my brothers and me to come closer and hugged her tightly. Dad turned his face away because he was afraid he might change his mind at this last minute. But I then held his hands to hug us. Mum’s much lighter weight and skinny face made me sad. Dad was sad as well.

On the last day, when dad mum in his arms I could hardly move a step. Dad said that mum looked lovely. Dad then insisted to give me a lift to school. He told me that he didn’t want the divorce anymore.He said he felt so sorry for what happened. His marriage life was boring probably because mum and dad didn’t value the details of our lives, not because they didn’t love each other anymore. He said he wanted to hold mum until death do us apart. Dad & I planned that we want to surprise mum. I suggested to dad to get 25 flowers (25 years of marriage). He also wrote » I’ll carry you out every morning until death do us apart. ».

That evening we arrived home early, flowers were in dad’s hands, a big smile on my face, we run up stairs, seeing mum was lying in the bed.I called her, she didn’t wake up. I touched her, she didn’t move. She died already. Mum had been fighting CANCER for months and dad was too busy with his girl to even notice. I was so busy doing my useless things. Mum knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save dad from negative thhinkings from their sons that dad wanted to divorce. Now it’s too late. Who cares?

If this happens to you, don’t let it be too late. 

Please share to your friends.

A family portrait

This is my family. It’s an big family of 6 children. It looks funny but this who we are. We are having fun. We used to travel around the country once or twice a year but we don’t do that anymore since we are all busy working. Hope next year, we’ll travel together again to USA or Canada or maybe Cambodia again. My family is very important to me. It shapes my personality and development. I really can’t imagine how my life would be without my family. Papa is a very generous man. He likes reading book and doing recycle. This is a great influence to me. When I grew bigger, I start to do recycle a lot. Maman is well business woman. She is so good in managing money-out-in.

If I die young

I’ve always wondered who would come to my funeral.

In the Buddhist world, we say that there are four miseries of life – birth, old-age, diseases and death. Everyone experiences death. Death and dying are an inévitable part of human life. But it seems like everybody is not ready for it. « Am I ready? » always ask myself. I’m not afraid of death; I just don’t want to be there when it happens. This makes no sense. No one is promised tomorrow. The only thing we can count on is today or now. Many deaths occur suddenly. Death can, and often does, strike without warning. My cousin said he hoped the death would allow him to move on more quickly. This is so selfish. You can’t ignore the problem by going off like that. Comitting suicide makes more problems to people surround us, especially our family & friends who truely love you. Lie means care for each other.

This is the reason why I am writing this while I can open my eyes doing what I want to do. I believe that this passage will be delivered if I die in any case.

  • I want people to smile to my face before they bury me.
  • I want people to encourage me(say: everything’s gonna be okay) to go to paradise alone since I’m scared & lonely.
  • I want to keep my photos to show to the younger generation of how good I was when I live.
  • And I want to keep my blogs.

I hope you better appreciate your life as a result.


IMG_1437My cousin, Phawon, was an innocent, happy and intelligent boy with an obedience and gentleness who’d always wanted to be « writer« . But because of his mother(I would say), he left us yesterday night by jumping of the bridge onto a busy road. His personal dairies are filled with « Self-hate« . I can still smell the fresh pain from his last words « You know, Mum hates gays, even God hates gays too. God sends gays to hell. Tit, you know it really scares me when they are talking about me. » Even to repeat what he said, my tear rolls down my face. His death has a heavy impact on his family and his relatives who truly loved him.

This sounds stupid but the story is is: As Phawon grew into adolescence, he discovered that he was attracted to other teenage boys and not girls. Because he was raised in Christain family and was taught  that being gay is a sin that can’t be accepted. He couldn’t hide anyone to find out that he was not straight. So he told his mother during his 18th birthday. And of course, his mother didn’t accept this. The problem started from that on. I donno anything about what happened next but until last week, he went back home to visit his mother for his 20th birthday, his mother said she had no gay son.

Dear cousin,

Days are terrible, nights are better. I´m still trying to sleep, so time will go by faster. Than I can forget  what you have done to us. Every morning I wake up, I always think it’s just a dream but it’s not. So do show youself. I can’t bear this lie any longer. You’re gonna come back soon, right? Can you still remember that you promised you would bring me to New York next year once I get there? I’ll be there in the next 4 weeks, maybe. So you must come back. You can’t leave like this. You can leave after you’re allowed to go.  Please, don’t leave. Please, come back. I’ll promise I’ll never fight with you again. I have to admit that it hurts me badly when you leave. Please, don’t. You win. It really scares me when you don’t say a word like that. So turn on your phone. I am now calling you. By the way, you’ve always wanted to see beautiful sunset & sunrise. Let’s do it.

From Tit,
I love you and my biggest desire is your return.

Note: This is a true story. I can’t explain you well since my English is terrible, but everything is caused by his mother. I wanna say « I hate her ».

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